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Thursday, 07 January 2010

Currently
Lenka
By Lenka
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Life is a maze & love is a riddle
Slow it down, make it stop or else my heart is going to pop. cause its too much, yeah its a lot to be something im not. Im a fool out of love cause i just cant get enough. I have so much work and so little motivation. its becoming a nightmare knowing what im gonna face next year with A levels and all and its like im tied down with the scary monster looming closer and all i can do is wait till it gets right up to me before i can tackle it. Very very daunting. Just that, instead of thinking of ways to get through it, im too distracted. Things ive done seemed ‘right’ at the moment, even those done in a moment of impulse or sheer recklessness but then again, only young once right? Even if it might have seem screwed up, whats done is done so regretting is useless. Perhaps its time i revise this mindset, but then again... i rather not. I wonder if people really change or if they only appear to change because you’ve come to know them well enough for them to get comfortable and reveal their flaws or true character. It really is devastating when people ‘change’ tho and I don’t think I’ll over get over this blemish in life. Am I doing the right thing currently? Giving in, compromising, stifling my horrible temper even though the other party isn’t exactly right too? Do I just want whats best for him or is it my own selfish reasons? Smoking is bad. Period. I am in the right to try and discourage it, correct? Why does it feel that im the over controlling tyrant then? BLEAH. And RS Thomas writes poems that deals with the metaphysicals. Just great.

Saturday, 02 January 2010

Currently
Marriage Most Scandalous
By Johanna Lindsey
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Many fears are born of stupidity and ignorance
Fortunately, i haven had the need to rant the entire holidays. Somehow, 2010 doesnt look very promising considering that i need to blog on the second day of it. I keep telling myself that two thousand and nine was a wonderful year and maybe its why i'm moody leaving it behind. Then again, when i rethink, it wasnt that great after all. In the year 2009, I have realised (1) i do not like being in a co-ed school (2) JC life can be incredibly boring (3) G is fully capable of causing heartaches (4) I have quite a foul temper (5) the track should have been abandoned long ago (6) I have pretty much little self restrain (7) reading trashy cliche romances is wonderful (8) First impressions stick (9) whacking can be very relaxing (10) my conscience takes frequent holidays
So, other than finding out things that really dont matter all that much, the year was just average. One thing i've learnt, just because school bores me, i should not find it perfectly acceptable to seek out thrills and excitement. I get all melancholic again thinking of school. Its a sort of phobia, schooliphobia which makes me schooliphobic. the fear of entering a place where rules are abundant with consequences if you attempt to escape before one. On an even sadder note, i've a long to-do list of wretched holidays homework which i shall now remind myself of.
History: the two articles that were due in Nov (note to self: find out question from jy) Econs: I think theres some notes to buy.collect. read and some group project. (will ask J before the 11th) Lit: the white tiger poem C & C. WSS sonnet, pictorial for III and essay. Proof revision. Duffy and dickenson. (Ask jy where to get the booklets from) Math: NIL- at the moment. GP: freaking issues and ideas.

Saturday, 28 November 2009

Currently
Never Bite a Boy on the First Date
By Tamara Summers
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"we've been done before; and now we try to forge ourselves"

One last time from Freddy's joint
we drove out to lover's point
shared our last kiss eye to eye
Spoke of tender times long past
said they werent meant to last
too many different dreams to satisfy
She wants
new shoulders to cry on
new backseats to lie on
and she always gets her way
She wants to see other guys
get lost in other eyes
baby's in the black books
yes she's in the black books today
I've yet to find a dreary bar
where whispers drift from afar
about her wild and wicked ways
The hardest truths don't have a why
often true love will just die
and leave a grief to haunt
the lonely nights and days
She wants to hurt other guys
put tears in other's eyes
baby's in the black books
yes she's in the black books today

holidays have been average. Johanna lindsey and Maria Snyder have been my best friends. heh, i cant wait to get the last book of Snyder's series! Track training just seems so, unreal now. cycling nearly killed my unfit lungs that day btw, prawning is like the worst sport ever! you end up getting bitten by prawns (did you know that prawns have like crab claws?!)/ drowning earthworms/ murdering tadpoles. the horror. creep has been positively well behaved recently. hehhh. hopefully it stays this way.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

"A desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time"

I despise/detest/dislike/loathe/abhor/can't stand/freaking hate you. Like seriously, did you have to? and fine, you lied, apologise profusely and make up for it.goddamnit thats the only thing you should focus on, making up for it. instead, its suddenly my fault, I pushed you into lying?! what the hell. I have hated people. damn i still hate like two. But, none of my friends let alone bfs have made it onto the hate list? congratulations! you're simply one in a million. What can i say? Or perhaps the biggest idiot is me. but maybe i'm not so much an idiot, i managed to find out even when you painstakingly tried to ensure that i did not. Score one for me huh? arghhhh, i'm so pissed now that i cant even think straight, i hope you're really happy. I hate you, CREEP!

Sunday, 08 November 2009

Currently
Poison Study
By Maria V. Snyder
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"My bullshit gives me depth"

Is it the weather? or is it a downward slope in my rollercoaster life? I cant decide and maybe i should just quit thinking about it. Misery probably gets intensified if you try and dissect it and analyse it, and shove it under a microscope. Thank god for books and bless those writers that give me some sort of refuge. I just read " Bite Me" by Melissa Francis and i cant wait to get the sequel to it! Sure the storyline would probably disgust book snobs but beggars cant be choosers.
It's like when you dream about the perfect guy, where you know him inside out, like he was sewn together by a thread from your soul, but you never see his face. If you ever see that guy, you'll know him because he's a part of you. Then when you wake up, you question whether or not it really happened and if that guy really does exist.
Thats how it really is like. The pain of emotions that reach down to the deepest corners of your heart and then have the reality kicking in, of more pain that will follow if you continue with obsessed illusion, delusions and the spiderweb cling you have on hope. Hope, that wonderful word, that cruel curse word. I'm reading poison study by Maria Synder and i love it! heh, just my kinda book. Love, magic and fantasy all packed into a single read. My favourite character in this book is Valek, the hero whose also a highly trained assasin. I realised i fall for guys with power, the power to hurt, destroy and kill. I'm a total sucker for guys who are probably gonna end up hurting me. The more dangerous the are, probably the more i like them. Maybe thats why i always fall for the commitment-phobic, womanizing, unfeeling, emotionless, insensitive creep. Guys who are cocky and totally confident of their power, guys who dont give a damn about anything, guys who are feared. I have such bad taste in guys. bleahhhh. Maybe i just want someone strong and powerful to look after me, that sounds more politically correct.

" He was like a shot of expresso. Tall, dark, addictive; with the ability to keep you up all night"